Analytics 5 min read
12 “Horrifying” Things Digital Marketers Are Most Afraid Of
- Veronica Beguas
- 28 Oct 2020 5 min read
As a digital marketer, you don’t scare easily. You’re relentlessly positive that the next step you take will lead to an auspicious outcome—however evident or invisible that may be.
Risks comfort you, and challenges motivate you. It’s in your ethos after all.
But we’re still human, and deep down inside us, there are still things that frighten and shake us to our core. We’re not talking about the paranormal kind here, rather a plot more sinister than the typical; our everyday work.
In the same way that there are chilling horror stories a digital marketing agency can retell— fellows, for your nostalgic pleasure, we’ve tracked down some unnerving things that sometimes (if not every darn time) get you out of control in and out the office.
Warning: The following situations are based on a true story, any resemblance to real life isn’t uncanny.
TOP #10: Brouhaha from Unreasonable Boss
Yeah, pretty hard to start the list? You think? C’mon! Whether the goal is weight-loss, increasing brand awareness up to the Himalayas, gaining zero to hero conversion, or executing a new digital strategy, marketers know that results take time.
Hearing the typical client’s or boss’ brouhaha about being delayed with the expected outcome makes you wanna slit their throats open with a Mongol Pencil No. 2. UNSHARPENED.
TOP #9: When he says, “I need that sh#t before the clock’s short hand is on 5!”
When you need to come up with a creative pitch and your boss needs it on his desk before the shift ends. You hear a distinct voice shouting on the floor: “F*ck it! No one here gets out alive…” and then you scream, internally.
Nope, that cold and uneasy feeling isn’t because of the airconditioning. That’s the faint touch of death approaching.
TOP #8: Turtlespeed Internet
When you have to make it to the 12 midnight deadline for the website launch and you’re peacefully transferring the files via FTP. Yep, almost d-ooooooo-n–n but the Internet starts acting like a diva and loses it!
Good darn it! Even Starbucks couldn’t cheer you up, we know. Hush little rhino, we feel the (slow) connection.
TOP #7: When someone took it to heart
When you are feeling so creative and wild or when you are trying to be funny and pushing to break the status quo, but some audiences took it to heart and got offended with your approach— you’re dead!
You didn’t only hurt their feelings but you also lessened your chances of having to engage them as your customers ever gain.
TOP #6: When your copyeditor just screws everything. Yes, everything.
You pay good money and your copy editor has a natural talent of attracting unwanted troubles and giving odd penchant about things. There’s just something about your distinct writing style and their copyediting methods that make your article sound so unlike you—and you hate that feeling.
TOP #5: SO MUCH…Changes!
Digital marketing is having a moment. Like the Macarena in the mid-90’s, it has gotten so ubiquitous that left some marketers wondering, “Wait, how in the world did this happen?”
TOP #4: Mouthy B*stards On Social Media
Frustratingly, we cannot avoid mouthy b*stards on social media. People can say bad things about you, your brand, your product, your people.
Being there is like allowing people to slash your neck anytime. I can’t think of any better way for a spectacular death than a slasher flick-style demise, anyway.
TOP #3: When your data tracking is screwed!
You want to get out of the dark and creepy maze — everyone does. Here comes data and you jump in with both feet! But you forgot one thing, two or several, possibly: data integration, collection, and reporting.
Oh boy, you missed them until they completely imploded at the last possible second of your campaign. Darn, what a night!
TOP #2: Where did the budget go?
Can you have a nightmare when you are fully awake? Mysteriously, none of them saw a thing. Call it budget murder. The case remains unsolved to this day. We’re putting the ball in your court, now.
TOP #1: Ghost Conversion
True horror is to wake up one morning and discover that you’ve reached your budget limit and got, *drumroll* *chooga chooga chooga* Z-E-R-0000000 conversion. We say, “I am Dracula. I bid you welcome.”
Spine-chilling special mentions:
We revisited this article 5 years after it's creation. All these hold true to this day, but we've discovered more fears throughout the years and just wanted to give them a special mention:
The Missing Semicolon
Now, this is something all our developers and software engineers can truly relate to. Writing a close-to-good code, thinking everything is going smoothly until the QA reveals an error in your code. Oops.
You then start replaying every single code you inputted that day thinking, "where did I go wrong?" After searching top to bottom and left to right you end spotting the culprit of all your worries— a misplaced semicolon.
This then leads us to believe that semicolons are tiny evils—beware.
Late Night or Early Morning Messages
Imagine getting ready for be—or worse, in your deep slumber— and receiving multiple calls and notifications from your team or client. Nobody likes receiving messages during those times, you almost don’t want to pick up because you know that something hits the fan. Seems like a prank call but, sadly, it's not. Oh, the horror.
If you have a friend working in the digital marketing sphere, make sure to sneak in these things we’ve told you in your conversation. Nine times out of ten they’ll have war flashbacks about it sending shivers down their spine.
Disclaimer: If you got hit right in the head, try imagining the world without humor. Can you? Exactly. So peace and happy Halloween!